I think... I died a little inside.

I advise you not to read this, as I'm probably just going through one of those "stages" and I can't sort out my feelings at the moment... and there're possible spoilers for the seventh book of Harry Potter to those sensitive to the topic.

I can say to myself that I want to die and be finish/cheat the journey called life, and yet I'm still so very afraid of the thought of my life ending and forever closing my eyes.

The seventh Harry Potter book is by far the first story that has impacted me so strongly. After the book, I cry. Whether it was because I didn't want the adventure to end, or the fact that I knew all too well what was inevitable in the story, or simply the commanding air of death, I ended up silently crying in bed, holding the book as if it were a bible (...yeah). I think it was the death count. I refuse to reveal any names for the sake of the readers who have yet to begin reading or finish the book, but for the first time, the concept of death seemed so... dangerously frightening. My friends are probably going to call me a fag for saying this, but... maybe I've misunderstood what death is.

I remember my cousin posting a picture around her page somewhere with a side note saying she occasionally wakes up on 3am in the middle of the night on a Friday and she'll realize that "Omigod, we're all going to die." Which, I realize with honest fear, is very true.

I'll end my choppy and meaningless thoughts here, I hope that people have good opinions on the book. I'll take this last sentence to say thank you, J.K.Rowling, for having written an excellent series... I think I'll go back to lookng for nargles..

Gawd, I was in the middle of posting a journal three weeks ago, but my computer picked that time to be gay-tarded. So I was all like, WHAT THE FU(K?! But, now I've calmed down. My computer's still bein' gay-tarded though.

There's no hope in me getting a B in Algebra 2. I hate math and my grade just seems to sink lower and lower.

I went to the Anime Expo couple weeks ago... I'm happy 'bout that. I entered a voice acting competition over there, impersonated Ed from Cowboy Bebop. The prize was an iPod. My friend and I entered together, but she backed outta the competition to go to a concert, so I kept her number. Someone else knew I had a number, and she wanted to enter 'cause she was late for signing up. So I gave it to her. Well guess what? That girl won the competition and she got that iPod. I. Have. The. Worst. Luck. Ever.

I actually got autographs from Vic Mignogna, Chris Patton, and Monica Rial; Edward Elric, Greed, and Dante/Lyra from FMA respectively. I also got autographs by some people who did The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya if I'm not mistaken about the title. Unfortunately, I'm still pissed/happy/sad about the iPod. My dad always wanted one, too...

My brother had a birthday party and one of my cousins skipped again. I haven't seen him this whole year, and I dunno if I can go over anymore. We had a pool war between the middle schoolers and the high schoolers during the party. In other words, 4 (if you include the "lifeguard" versus... 5 brats. Two of them were my sister's friends, and they KEEP TOUCHING MY STUFF!! AUGH!! STAY THE FU(K OUT YOU LITTLE B*T(HES!! Their reason for doing so: "So, it's not your stuff." WHAT THE FU(K DO THEY NOT GET ABOUT MY ROOM?! THE STUFF (except my brothers' stuff) IN IT IS MINE. MY ROOM, OUR HOUSE. THEY DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TOUCH OUR STUFF UNLESS IT'S NATHALIE'S!! IF THEY JUST STAY THE HELL OUT THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY GODDAMN PROBLEMS!! YOU LITTLE B*T(HES!!

I went to see Harry Potter and Ratatouille with my brothers... Harry Potter 5 was... okay, but if I have to place the movies in order of liking, I have to say 1, 5, 2, 4, 3. Best effects, but the story was choppy. I liked the white mist/black mist effect as far as the good and evil part went through during the fight. Although I don't want to say it, I think Harry'll die in the Last book. By the way, didja know they're selling Harry Potter uniform at Hot Topic?

Ratatouille seemed funny to me, but when Linguini got drunk... it really freaked me out. o_o The cooking rat family idea was pretty cute.

I'm not even getting paid, but I still have to do my 'job' babysitting some wannabe smarties? What kind of bull$hit is that?

Alive... I think.

And I kinda get Algebra 2 now. Omigosh.

Started my summer job and it sucks. ~_~ I'm not sure we're even getting paid anymore.

Hahaha, I found this on the Logic Quiz that I tried doing for the Decathlon kids.

"A marksman shoots first and whatever he hits is his target."

My brother and sister decided to sneak into my room to play the PS2 while I was out one day, and when I got back, they were still there. I tell 'em to get the F*** out so I can sleep, and my brat of a brother spills water all over one of my 11x14 drawing notebooks. I had a drawing in there I was going to finish up for a friend's birthday and it's all wet. The paper that bore the brunt of the flood is now all wavy and I don't know if I should continue that drawing or start a new one. I'm glad to know that my parents actually care about my drawing habits, because when I told them about it, they actually flipped instead of shrugging it off or pretending to care.

My dad is such an ass!! I made a bet with him: If I got a B+ or higher on my final Algebra 2 grade, I get a game. If I don't, he takes the PS2. Fair enough, in my view. Then he denied it and said he'd get the PS2 AND the TV AND I won't be allowed on the computer. Asshole. A game is so not worth going through the hell in Algebra 2 summer school and it's not worth losing all the stuff I listed. Assuming I will still get paid, I can get a game next week if I wanted. -_- I'm going to see if I can make the bet a little riskier for him now. I bet he's not even gonna buy me a game by the end of this and he's just going to weasel his way out of this.

Going to the AX. Anyone going? ^_^

I'm having a party today, and I'm not so happy... Nobody's coming, even my two adoptive brothers don't want to come... Well, their reason being it's their video game day. TT_TT What kind of a reason is that?! Good news is that I got DDR SuperNOVA. FINALLY!! My real brother lost our only DDR game, so I figured I should get one now. I realize how much I suck though. Anyways...

Last day of school was two days ago. Some people were stupid enough to throw their computer books away. DUMBASSES!! Looks like they're not earning any money from the freshmen booksale. Level Up!! ^^ I AM NO LONGER FRESHMEAT, I AM SOPHMEAT!! HUZZAH!! Finally, our class moved up the high school ladder! Yatta!! ^^ I look forward to seeing my freshmeat friends in August/Summer School, yeah! ^^

Later that last day, I went to dinner with my adoptive brothers. I think I talked too much because by the time they were finished, I was still poking at my mashed potatoes. o_o.

Unfortunately, yesterday I missed the eighth graders' graduation. Sorry Quimpo-chan! >< I went out with my parents cause they wanted to do this family thing...

Summer's looking fun. Summer school, hanging out at my place, swimming... a summer job where I earn $10 an hour. That's $80 bucks a week!! Too bad I don't work on Fridays... but I'm lovin' this!!

Still into Hana-Kimi.. Mwahahaha, cross-dressing sounds kinda fun watching that show. XD!!

I'me still clinging to the pathetic life I have. I survived the Algebra 2 Exam, and I found out my surgery isn't gonna be till August. *sigh* I'm not liking SGHS anymore.

Well, I've totally gotten myself into the Hana-Kimi Taiwanese Drama... ^^ Wu Zun (the guy who plays the Sano equivalent) and Tang Zhi Ping (the guy who plays the Umeda equivalent) are frickin' hot. I'll spend my time after school watching that stuff for now... ^^

And I hope someone will be honest enough to return my pencil case before school ends... I had all my pencils and my best eraser in there. TT_TT I want my pencil case!!!! TT_TT